


A Set Of Certain Scientific... Mishaps?

by SaltierSalt



Category: Toaru Kagaku no Railgun | A Certain Scientific Railgun
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:34:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28024794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaltierSalt/pseuds/SaltierSalt
Summary: What happens when you take a blank slate and put it out into the world with little to no supervision?A Certain Scientific Railgun is written by Kazuma Kamachi and illustrated by Motoi Fuyukawa. No financial gain for myself is produced as a result of this work.
Comments: 21
Kudos: 38





	1. Chapter 1

**A Certain Scientific Railgun is written by Kazuma Kamachi and illustrated by Motoi Fuyukawa.**

**No financial gain for myself is produced as a result of this work.**

**A Set Of Certain Scientific... Mishaps?**

**Chapter One**

* * *

For the being known as Misaka 10032, the day had started out as any other. Now, it must be said that a typical day in her life looked considerably different from that of the average citizen. Being the ten thousand thirty second clone of Mikoto Misaka with no worldly possessions tended to have that sort of effect. Being bred solely for the purpose of being led to slaughter in the name of science could also be considered to affect one’s self.

However, none of this even remotely came close to crossing the mind of the clone. Rather, she was preoccupied by something completely different. Something so unusual it would never occur to anyone else. None other than the most curious of things. You see, dear reader, the clone had discovered the rather unorthodox practice of turning the most unassuming of everyday items into cake. Suffice it to say, she had become quite enamoured with it.

In the hour since she had made the discovery, not only had the clone managed to beg- I mean, convince, the agent assigned to her to provide her with the funds needed to buy the ingredients, she had also managed to create a cake that resembled perhaps the one item in her environment that should have never been made into cake; the toilet plunger. Yes, the clone had determined that this was the best item to emulate for her first cake.

After perfecting her first, ahem, masterpiece, the clone had decided to allow the rest of her sister clones to enjoy the practice. So, to that end, she naturally flooded the information over the network shared between all the clones. At this point, dear reader, you should have a good idea of what happened next.

* * *

Mikoto Misaka calmly strolled along the sidewalk, cars and other traffic flowing on by on the road next to her. She was currently on her way to visit the eldest of her clones, as strange as that sentence may sound. It had been a while since her last visit, and she hoped the girl was doing alright. As she approached the hospital where four of her ‘sisters’ were staying, she noticed something extraordinary when she reached for the doorhandle to pull the door open. Instead of allowing her to open the door, the handle simply folded like wax. Pausing momentarily to process what has just happened, Mikoto started upon noticing her hand was now covered in... cake? Cake with icing that was suspiciously the same shade and texture as the door handle. Slowly, the girl looked up to find that she had pulled half of the door off as well, being as it was also made out of cake.

Now more than sufficiently perplexed, Mikoto stepped inside the building, pushing the remains of the cake-door out of her way as she did so. She ignored the loud splat the mass of confectionery made as it hit the ground, instead opting to find to the head physician, or perhaps the facilities manager. Even an administrator would do. They should really be informed of the fact that somebody had replaced one of their doors with cake.

As she made her way through the building, Mikoto was stupefied to find that most of the objects in the building were now made out of cake. Everything from the signs on the walls and suspended from the ceiling, to the trash bins and the various pamphlets available on different medical issues, and in between.

Five minutes in, she caught sight of the person she had come to meet.

“Hey, 10032!”

The girl in question turned at hearing her ‘name’ called, and nodded quickly before responding with her own greeting. As she drew closer, Mikoto elected to make a comment on the strange phenomenon of cake in the hospital.

“Hey, so, do you know what the deal is with all these objects made out of cake? It’s really starting to freak me out.”

The clone nodded quickly before elaborating.

“Ah yes, that. Says Misaka referring to the appropriately named Cake Project. Misaka and the rest of the Network believe that the Project is proceeding as planned. The rest of the hospital should be completed by the day’s end.”

Mikoto blinked. Whatever she had expected the clone to say, it most certainly had not been that.

“Big Sister, come. Misaka urges, grabbing onto Big Sister’s hand and pulling her along. We are needed in the kitchen to help with the cakes. Misaka explains, as she relays what she had heard over the Network.

Without a moment’s hesitation, the Sister began dragging Mikoto behind as she set off at a fast clip. However, Mikoto was not content with the explanation she had been offered. “Cake Project? What? What are you even on about?”

The Sister abruptly stopped before elaborating further. “Earlier today, Misaka 10032 was made aware of the existence of a trend wherein people make everyday items into cake. After developing a prototype, Misaka shared the results with the rest of the Network. Misaka reports that the Network reached a consensus, and thus the Cake Project was put into action. Misaka once again urges Big Sister to follow Misaka to the kitchen to provide aid in the Cake Project.”

Mikoto was struck dumb. It was at times like this when she was reminded how impressionable the Sisters could be. Before she could formulate a response, the clone continued speaking.

“Misaka also wishes to inform Big Sister that after discussing it with the Network earlier today, the Network has agreed to expand the Project beyond the hospital. The Project is now set to encompass all of the city. So, says Misaka, we must hurry to produce the cakes, pulling on Big Sister’s arm once again.”

Mikoto did not budge, however.

“No. This ends now. Where’s Dr. Heaven Canceller, I need to speak with him now.”

She was interrupted as she took in the sheepish look adorning the other girl’s face.

“Misaka reports that the Doctor is unavailable at the moment, as he is with the other staff and objects...”

Mikoto’s eye twitched. “What. Did. You. Do?”

* * *

As she took in the sight of the life-sized cake replica of the Doctor, Mikoto turned a deadpan glare onto the clone.

“No. No more cakes. You let everyone out of the storage rooms and put everything else back. Including the patients and medical equipment. Now."

“But, Big Sister! Mi-”

“Now!”


	2. A New Year

New Year’s Eve. A celebration marking the beginning of yet another trip ‘round the sun. Many traditions are undertaken around the globe. No two traditions are alike, and Misaka 10032 was determined that she would observe them all. Incidentally, this was also the first New Years’ she had ever experienced.

It must be said that not long had passed since the ‘Cake Project’, however.

The genetic donor for the clones, Mikoto Misaka, was presently making her way towards the hospital where her oldest clone resided for the time being. After breathing a sigh of relief that there was no cake replicas anywhere, she navigated through the hospital towards her sister’s room. As she drew nearer, however, a peculiar scent made itself known to her. Onion, if she wasn’t mistaken. Turning the corner, she was surprised to see an onion hanging from the doorknob of her sister’s door. Putting that to the side of her mind, she opened the door, only to come to a screeching halt at the scene inside the room.

Misaka 10032 stood in the centre of the room, surrounded by what could best be described as an assortment of remarkably random objects. There were oranges and apples piled high on the small table, a stack each of plates and bowls, as well as couple of water glasses occupying the remaining space. Also present was a couple of bunches of grapes, a suitcase, and perhaps the most worrying, a small furnace off to the side, a trio of tin ingots stacked up next to it.

The two stared at each other for a moment, before 10032 returned to her task. Which, apparently, was assembling what looked to be a giant sphere stuck on the end of a long pole. She then proceeded to prop it up against the wall, right next to an effigy of Mikoto’s likeness, and-

“10032.” Mikoto ground out through clenched teeth. “Why exactly do you have a jerrycan in your hospital room?”

The clone looked over from where she was laying some clothes on the bed. Polka dotted pants and shirt. “New Year’s.” She simply responded, before proceeding to remove her clothes, swapping them out for the polka dot set on the bed. In doing so, she perhaps unintentionally gave Mikoto a look at what she was wearing underneath. One piece was yellow, whilst the other was red.

Mikoto blinked at the abrupt answer, before freaking out at the clone’s subsequent action. After 10032 had the polka dot outfit on, Mikoto was given a blank stare.

“Big Sister, come. Misaka says, gathering her supplies. This Misaka requires assistance in setting up.” With that, the other girl presented Mikoto with a handcart, which was suddenly filled with half of the aforementioned ‘supplies’. How 10032 had managed to pack it all in the cart in such a short time, Mikoto was unsure. “By the way, Big Sister, this Misaka is disappointed that you have not brought a gift with you. However, Misaka concedes that the tradition of first-footing typically only takes place once the new year has begun. So you are forgiven for that, so says Misaka.”

Mikoto blinked for the second time in as many minutes. “What?” Shaking off her momentary confusion, she put her foot down. “Time-out! What is all of this? Why are you wearing polka dots, and-and that red and yellow? What are you planning to do with that effigy, and the jerrycan?”

The other girl paused, before beginning her explanation. “Misaka is observing many New Year’s traditions, as it is her first time experiencing New Years’. This Misaka’s outfit was chosen for luck. The red and yellow was picked for the perceived luck it brings, love and money respectfully, as observed in Brazil, Misaka notes. The polka dots are a tradition originating from the Philippines, also to bring good luck, Misaka adds. Misaka also elaborates on her comment about first-footing from earlier, explaining that in Scotland, it is customary for the first person to cross the threshold of a home to be bearing gifts. As an afterthought, Misaka tells Big Sister that the pole is also to be used for a Scottish tradition, namely the parade where fireballs are twirled around on poles.”

Now even more confused, and slightly concerned, Mikoto could do naught but look at her clone. “Ok, but what about the rest of it? The fruit, the onion on the door, and that suitcase behind you?”

Looking behind her, the clone launched into another long-winded explanation. “Misaka states that the suitcase is representative of a Colombian tradition of carrying an empty suitcase around a block in hopes of travel in the new year. The onion is a symbol of rebirth in the new year in Greece, and the apples and oranges represent coins, a sign of prosperity in the Philippines. The grapes should be self-explanatory, Misaka adds snidely.”

Mikoto nodded. Aside from the fireball pole, those all seemed harmless. “What about the plates and glasses, then? What tradition are those from?”

“To answer Big Sister’s question, they are for the Danish tradition of throwing them against the doors of friends and family to banish evil spirits. Misaka also plans to follow the tradition of jumping off a chair at midnight, jumping into January for good luck.”

A slight frown crossed Mikoto’s face at the mention of the plates. “Maybe you should get permission from the hospital admin before you go around smashing plates against doors. Now, what about the furnace, tin, and effigy. Oh, and the jerrycan.”

A giddy smile graced the clone’s face at this question. “Mikasa plans to melt down the tin, and pour the molten metal into a water bowl. Then she will observe the shape of the metal to determine what the year will bring; a heart/ring signifies a wedding, a ship signals travel, and a pig means plenty of food. Misaka adds that this is a Finnish tradition.”

Mikoto thought about that for a minute, before deciding that the clone was responsible enough. “And the effigy?”

“Misaka plans to burn it as a symbol that the old year is over. The gasoline in the jerrycan will be used to coat the effigy.”

Mikoto wasted no time in giving her answer. “Nope. Absolutely not. No way. You are not burning a life-sized effigy of me for any reason.”

Misaka 10032 looked away anxiously, a fact that did not escape Mikoto’s notice.

“What? What is it, Misaka 10032?” The girl asked, with some trepidation.

“Misaka reports that the same traditions are planned to be observed by the entirety of the Misaka Network. All nine thousand, nine hundred and sixty-eight Misakas.”

The clone had barely finished speaking before Mikoto had raced out of the room. Shrugging, the clone grabbed the cart, leaving the room herself. She had New Year’s traditions to observe, after all, and Big Sister had left the effigy behind.

Some time later, Mikoto could do nothing but watch as nine thousand, nine hundred and sixty-eight effigies burned in perfect harmony. ‘Why me?’ She thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A link to the source on the traditions I mentioned: https://worldstrides.com/blog/2016/12/9-new-years-traditions-cultures-around-world/ 
> 
> Happy New Year, everyone.


	3. The High Seas

Mikoto Misaka’s eye twitched. She took in the sight before her, teeth grinding against each other.

She had decided to pay another visit to her sister. When she arrived, however, she found the hospital room looking more like an orchestra. Adding to the clutter were forty or so clones, each filling in a position of the orchestra. Evidently, she had gotten there midway through a rehearsal of theirs, but the song they’d been playing was not one you’d expect to hear in such a setting. Well, traditional orchestras, that is, to say nothing of ‘impromptu hospital’ orchestras.

Taking a deep breath, Mikoto relaxed a bit before speaking.

“Okay. Does one of you want to enlighten me as to what’s going on here?”

The clones shared a glance so brief that Mikoto almost missed it. Then 10032 spoke up.

“Very well, Misaka says. The Misaka Network recently decided to form an orchestra in order to be able to perform a song this Misaka recently came across.”

Mikoto blinked, waiting for the other shoe to drop. “That... actually sounds reasonable. What aren’t you telling me? Where did you hear this song?”

Without missing a beat, 10032 gave a curt reply.

“The Misaka Network plans to perform this concert on stage in a proper concert venue, says Misaka.”

Feeling a slight headache coming on, Mikoto rubbed her forehead, before speaking again.

“And where exactly did you hear of the song you wish to play? You didn’t really give me an answer for that.”

10032 tilted her head to the side slightly.

“Misaka found it on ClicCloc, reports Misaka.”

Upon hearing that, Mikoto sighed in exasperation. Striding over to the wall, she single-handedly installed a new window in the hospital room’s wall. Stepping back to admire her handiwork, she nodded once in appreciation.

“Alright. I’d hate to rain on your parade too much, so as long as you actually do things by the book this time around, I’ll stay out of your hair. Well, good luck with rehearsing.”

As Mikoto left, she missed the look that the clones shared between them. As she got into the elevator, the doors of the elevator next to hers opened up, allowing ten more clones to spill out into the hallway,

each laden down with wooden crates.

The ten clones soon arrived at the hospital room, placing the crates down as they entered. 10032 broke the silence.

“Have the required supplies been acquired, asks Misaka earnestly.”

One of the ten that had just arrived snapped off a salute.

“This Misaka reports that the materials required for the set have indeed been acquired. Sails, planks, ropes and nails. The remainder is already at the docks.”

10032 nodded in satisfaction.

“The grand performance draws near, so declares Misaka.”

* * *

A little over a week later, Mikoto was strolling along, heading towards the concert venue the sisters were performing at. As she rounded the final corner before the stage, Mikoto was brought to a sudden halt by what she saw in front of her.

A boat. A life-sized tall ship. Cannons, sails, anchor and all. The mast looked like it was 50 feet tall, and- was that a sister in the crow’s nest..? Focusing on the main deck, she spotted several more of the sisters standing in different positions on the deck. Everything from manning the guns- how did they even get authentic 17th century cannons?! -to adjusting the sails. One even had a parrot on their shoulder! A parrot!

In hindsight, she shouldn’t have been surprised. These were the sisters, after all. But for the time being, all Mikoto could manage was to stare. Then things got worse when the sisters started singing...

“There once was a ship that put to sea!”

Dear Science just end her now. Preferably before the crowds gathered.

“Uh, Mikoto? What’s going on..?”

The girl froze at the sound of that voice, before her head snapped to the side by ninety degrees in less than a second. The resulting crack echoed loudly through the air.

With the song being played in the background, albeit badly, she locked eyes with the absolute last people that she would have wanted to see this.

Kuroko Shirai and Ruiko Saten.

If one were to look close enough, they would be able to see the moment Mikoto’s sanity left her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the long wait. Lack of inspiration, mostly. That is, until I saw a certain video on Reddit. (Yes I know it's originally from another app.)


	4. Chapter Four

The clock ticked over, making the time 2:30 AM. Toma Kamijou was fast asleep in his apartment. At least, he was before the phone next to his year suddenly came to life. As the boy finished shaking off the last remnants of sleep, he answered the call.

“Mikoto? What’s going on? It’s 2:30 in the bloody- what? Slow down. The sisters did what?” A pause. “You’re sure? And it absolutely cannot wait until a reasonable hour?” From the wince that came over Toma’s face, one could make an educated guess at what the answer to that particular question was. “Alright, alright! I’m heading over now.” With that, he hung up the phone before sighing and dropping his head into his hands.

* * *

Half an hour later, Toma arrived at the hospital, a place he was all too familiar with. After speaking briefly with the front desk, he was on his way up to a specific hospital room. As he entered, he was greeted with a most peculiar scene. Mikoto Misaka stood in front of four clones, hands on hips and looking downright pissed.

“-can’t believe you four! What were you thinking? Where did you even get that much money?”

And, apparently, she was in the midst of a very passionate tirade.

Toma yawned, before catching the girl’s attention. “Alright, Zapper. What exactly is so important you had to drag me out of bed at 2:30 in the goddamn morning?”

Mikoto whirled around, eyes still glaring daggers. For his part, Toma simply ignored the look, instead opting to cross his arms.

“Ugh. Ok. 10032, why don’t _you_ fill Toma in on what the lot of you have done?”

Toma turned his attention to one of the clones as she stood up.

“This Misaka wishes to inform Toma that earlier, the Misaka Network became aware of a most heinous plot to put a company that the Network is rather fond of out of business. The Network was also made aware of a method to stop this from occurring.”

Toma nodded, still following along. He motioned for the clone to continue.

“This method was to buy up as much stock as possible, reports Misaka. As of five minutes ago, the price for a single stock was 999, 999, 999.00 dollars, Misaka says matter-of-factly.”

Toma blinked. He looked at Mikoto, who returned the look. He blinked again. He looked back at the sisters.

“How many shares did you buy?”

“The Misaka Network now owns 99.99999999 percent of the company, answers Misaka.”

The hospital room soon had two massive dents in the wall, much to the ire of the passing janitor.

* * *

The next day, the papers were all talking about the same thing.

‘Stock market beat into the ground, burned from existence, brought back and burned again! Plushie company now defacto head of state!’

Kazari Uiharu, Ruiko Saten, Kuroko Shirai, as well as Mikoto Misaka and Toma Kamijou were all seated at a table. On the table was a collection of newspapers.

“So, Mikoto-” Kazari started, only to be cut off.

“Don’t want to talk about it.”

Frowning, she tried again with Toma.

“Also don’t want to talk about it.”

After that response, she looked down at the image on the paper at the top of the pile. Mikoto and Toma were featured, with the caption underneath reading: ‘King and Queen of Plushyvania!’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, uh. The stock market thing. Yeah. That happened. Anyways have a chapter based on it.


	5. Chapter Five

Misaka 10032 had a rather serious problem on her hands. The week prior, the fiasco known as the Great Sister Stock Purchase had occurred, with an unexpected side effect being the fact that Toma and Mikoto were now King and Queen of the city. There was just one minor detail that was having a major effect..

To that end, Misaka 10032 had proposed a plan of action to the rest of the Misaka Network. Unsurprisingly, they had agreed without a second thought to the eldest’ motion. Woe behold those poor souls who made their lives in Academy City...

* * *

Mikoto Misaka was on edge as she walked into the hospital. The Sisters had been alarmingly well-behaved this past week. Mikoto did not like it one bit. Nope, not at all. No sir.

Keeping pace with her, Toma shared in her expression. Ever since the Stock Purchase, they had been subjected to constant teasing from their ‘friends’ over their new titles.

The two of them eventually ran into Dr. Heaven Canceller, who regretfully informed them that he was going to be absolutely of no help to them whatsoever. He hadn’t seen any of the sisters in the last week either.

And so it was that the ‘royal’ couple made their way to the Sister’s assigned room. Mikoto paused halfway through opening the door. Did she really want to open that door? Was she sure she wanted to descend into the madness again?

She snapped out of her reverie when Toma opened the door suddenly. What lay on the other side was something both of them should have really foreseen, yet neither had.

* * *

Accelerator scowled to himself as he lazily walked down the hallway in the hospital. He had been enjoying his day just fine, thank you very much. Needless to say, he was less than pleased at being summoned like this, but he really did owe the Sisters to say the least.

As he entered the hospital room, one could have actually heard the exact moment Accelerator’s brain simply gave up. His fellow level five Misaka was there, as well as that irritating level zero. Both strapped to long wooden planks facing each other, with several sisters next to Misaka, and what could only be male clones on next to the level zero, Kamijou, he believed.

It must be said at this point that Accelerator had effectively been living under a rock for the past two weeks, and thus knew absolutely nothing about the fact that the two in front of him were now in charge of the city.

So, when Misaka 10032 stood at the altar- how did they manage to fit an altar in a hospital room? He was distracted from his inner monologue when the clone spoke.

“We are here today to witness the union of the King and Queen of Academy City, so says Misaka.”

The clone probably was still speaking, but Accelerator didn’t hear it. He was already halfway out of the country.

It had been such a nice day, too!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter brought to you by procrastination and writer's block.


End file.
